


lapis lazuli

by yhighon



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, based off of the 12/05 stream, kinda hurt/comfort idk, yes i will continue to be sad about this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:28:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27920779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yhighon/pseuds/yhighon
Summary: Tommy moves back towards the bridge that looks over the lava, looking over to see magma cubes moving across it like it’s water.He has the sudden urge to fall off the ledge, the sudden urge to jump.(Being in exile is harder than he thought.)
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 1
Kudos: 337





	lapis lazuli

It should have been unsurprising that only Dream and Sapnap came to visit him, out of everyone that lived in L’manberg. It should’ve been unsurprising, and yet, Tommy couldn’t quite get rid of the tight feeling in his chest.

What did he expect? For the president, his ~~former~~ best friend, to come see him? To take time out of his busy day to come see Tommy, who he’d exiled only a day prior?

Tubbo’s words echoed through his head as he stared out over the lake, watching it come in and out over the sandy edges.

He didn’t realize how much he had spaced out until Wilbur- no, Ghostbur- was suddenly in front of him, holding a suspiciously blue object in his left hand.

“Tommy? Tommy?” He said, waving his other hand in front of the younger boy’s face. Tommy tried not to stare through him, instead coming back into focus.

Dream and Sapnap stood to the side, still mocking his half-assed tent, which now had part of the side missing. The shears were in Dream’s right hand, and he vaguely remembered giving them to him, not expecting to get them back.

“You seem stressed. Have some blue.” Wilbur says as he tosses the lapis lazuli at Tommy’s feet, and he puts it in his bag, unable to throw it in the grass with Wilbur standing right there.

“I don’t want your blue, Wilbur.” Tommy says, and almost believes that he imagines the brief look of transparent disappointment on the ghost’s face. 

“Tommy, this tent sucks.” Dream says, cutting down another piece of wool to add to the holes in his tent.

“If you think it sucks make a better fucking tent!” Tommy says, unable to keep the anger out of his voice. 

The anger isn’t directed at the tent, or even really at Dream. Tommy wants to go home, wants to go back to his house, wants to meet up with Ranboo or Fundy or whoever and go back to his old life.

Instead, he watches Dream attempt to fix the tent, with Sapnap yelling instructions behind him. Somehow, the tent looks worse afterwards, with Dream handing back the shears and Tommy staring at what was supposed to be his new residence.

Either way, anything was better than the dirt shack that Dream had built for Tommy, which only had half a ceiling, letting in the cold every night. 

Irritated, Tommy decided to split off from the others, walking down to find pieces of a broken nether portal sitting in the middle of the woods. If he could go to the Nether, he could make his way back to the portal that led to L’manberg, and maybe visit his house, grab a few things, and be back before Dream or Sapnap or whoever else even noticed.

“Dream, could I go to the Nether?” Tommy asked, feeling lighter at the thought.

“I don’t see why not.” 

Tommy absolutely does not jump as Dream and Sapnap come up behind him, brandishing their enchanted pickaxes. They inspect the portal, Sapnap taking the time to take a couple obsidian blocks with him as they watch Tommy flit around the portal.

“I gotta find diamonds.” He realizes, and makes his way back to the mine that he’d already dug. The other two follow, content to follow him around like prison guards, armor glowing within the darkness of the mine.

It doesn’t take him too long to find diamonds, and he quickly fashions a pickaxe, pouring his bucket of water over a lava pool. The obsidian spreads to the rock walls, and he takes the pickaxe to it, sure to take just enough to build a new portal.

“Tommy? Where have you gone?” Wilbur’s voice crackles over the communicator, sounding confused. Tommy pauses to respond, but someone does it for him, and he carries on, until he has enough, and then he makes his way out of the mine.

He doesn’t question it when Dream and Sapnap shoot arrows around him, taking down zombies and skeletons with much more ease than he would by himself. ~~Probably so they can watch him suffer.~~ They make it out easily, the rock fading into dirt, and Tommy moves to the broken portal.

“Hey Wilbur, watch this.” He says, and the portal lights up, casting a purple light on the grass. The four of them walk through it, and suddenly they’re in the Nether, oppressive heat in the air and hard netherrack underfoot.

It’s almost a relief to be back in the Nether. Usually, Tommy would be anxious to be in the other dimension, where almost anything can cause a painful death and a quick respawn. But it’s something he knows, something familiar when his surroundings have been nothing but foreign for the past two days.

Dream and Sapnap materialize behind him, and Wilbur too, looking out of place in his yellow sweater and dirty sneakers. He trails behind them, half interested in Tommy and half in the magma cubes that are swimming in the lava below them.

The portal has put them on a sort of platform, high up in the air, above anything else. Tommy slowly bridges his way over, making his way to where he knows the L’manberg portal is. Dream and Sapnap follow close behind, Wilbur distracted.

They make it over to the old portal without incident, and Tommy could cry with how happy he is to see it, the portal he knows so well and has seen and used a thousand times before.

Unfortunately, Dream is quick as always to ruin it.

“Tommy, you can’t go through.” He says, standing next to the portal.

“What if I do?” Tommy asks, ever the instigator (especially with Dream standing in front of him, the man who ruined his life). 

“Then I’ll kill you, and you’ll stay dead.” Dream says, and Tommy knows it’s the truth. 

They stay in a standstill for a moment or two before Sapnap breaks the tension.

“There’s a Christmas tree in L’manberg now.” He says, and Tommy wants to punch him.

“Can I go see?” He asks, even knowing that the answer will be no.

“No.” Dream says. It hurts, however expected it was.

Eventually, they settle on the plan that Wilbur will go and take a Polaroid of the tree (what the fuck is a Polaroid?) and give it to Tommy.

Watching the three of them go through the portal is painful. He’s left alone in the Nether, listening to the Piglins walk on the netherrack, a faraway ghast cry out.

It’s quiet, without the constant banter. 

Tommy moves back towards the bridge that looks over the lava, looking over to see magma cubes moving across it like it’s water.

He has the sudden urge to fall off the ledge, the sudden urge to jump. The lapis lazuli sits in his bag, a stark contrast to the rest of the Nether, a reminder of why he shouldn’t.

He could jump. He could end it right now, right here, while they’re gone and he’s left by himself. The lava pops and crackles, and the ghast moans again, and Tommy could die. Right here, right now. Surely they wouldn’t exile his ghost.

He almost falls when a heavy hand comes down on his shoulder, pushing him to the middle of the bridge, away from the edge. Dirt blocks come to fill in the gaps, an exasperated Dream placing them with practiced ease.

“It’s not your time to die, Tommy.” He says, and Tommy wants to believe that this means Dream gives a shit, means that he’s not just gonna leave Tommy to rot outside everything he’s ever known, ever worked for. 

“It never is.” Tommy spits, and moves away from Dream, who watches him carefully, like he’s gonna throw himself off the other side instead. He doesn’t, however much he wants to (if only to spite the other man). 

Instead, Sapnap and Wilbur catch up with them, and they go back through the portal. Wilbur lingers too close, but Tommy doesn’t shrug him off. 

In the Overworld, Wilbur hands Tommy a picture. It’s the L’manberg Christmas tree, with Sapnap standing tall on top of it, next to the ugly star they’re using as the tree topper.

It hurts, a lot. A lot more than he would’ve thought, having been exiled only two days ago. A feeling of already being replaced, of already being forgotten by his friends.

The picture sits in his hands, and he wants to put it away, stop looking at it, but he can’t.

“You like it? That’s me, on top.” Sapnap says proudly, as he points to himself in the picture.

“Can I visit, to see the tree?” Tommy asks again. He isn’t sure why he’s asking again. 

“No.” Dream says, standing to the side. Wilbur stares at Tommy, slightly unnerving. He puts the photo away.

“Not even on Christmas day?” Tommy asks, and Dream is about to say no again, but Sapnap shoots him a look, and he takes a moment to think about it.

“Come on, Dream, why can’t he see the tree? It’s not even in L’manberg.” Wilbur says. Dream pauses.

“Maybe.” He says finally. _Diet no_ , Tommy’s brain supplies, and he feigns excitement at the possibility. 

“Thanks for the picture, Wilbur.” Tommy says, and it’s hard to miss the way that the cloud lifts, and Wilbur actually almost smiles at him.

“You’re welcome, Tommy. I’m glad to help you!” Wilbur says, moving away, seeming content with his previous task completed.

“Guys, how do you know when it’s too much?” Tommy asks, feeling suddenly nauseated. No one answers. “Seriously.” 

Something must show on his face, because Wilbur chimes in.

“Tommy, what if we make our own Christmas tree?” He says, sounding hopeful.

“That’s a great idea!” Dream says, and Tommy shoots him a dirty look, which Dream tactfully ignores.

Somehow, making their own tree would almost be worse. It would really only be Tommy’s tree, because Wilbur doesn’t even really live here. It would be a reminder of what he’s lost, of what he’s losing every day.

_Goddamn it Tubbo_ , Tommy thinks, before moving to find a sapling in one of the many chests they already have around. He plants it, and they’ll have a tree.

Eventually, Dream and Sapnap excuse themselves, and it’s just Wilbur and Tommy left, just like it used to be.

Tommy tries not to think about the Nether anymore, or L’manberg. Instead, he lies in the tent that Wilbur fixed for him, and tries not to cry.

His dead brother stands outside, unsure of how to help.

**Author's Note:**

> uh yeah. ouch. this stream really hurt, ngl. i want tommy's character to get a win soon, because he keeps taking hits and my mans doesn't deserve this. anyway
> 
> shoutout to my friend just_a_lizard for yelling about this w me <3


End file.
